BROTHERLY BONDING
by phantomoftheopera111
Summary: Story 57. Tim and Dick have a discussion about life. Note: Rated M for mature language and some themes. It's really not that bad, though.


Since so many people tend to comment/favorite the stories with Dick and Tim (or Batfamily relations), I have decided to grow some guts and share this one.

Now, there is a **warning**, if you cannot stand a platonic brotherly kiss... on the lips in a completely humorous way, you should not read this.

I do not ship DickXTim, I much prefer DickXBabs, and Tim as the silly virgin he is. So this is not slash. And it truly shouldn't be that big of a deal for people if we can all remain mature.

So, now that I have warned you, read at your own lovely risk. :)

Yes, I understand a lot of my own little "made up Batman land" facts aren't correct. Do I care? No. It's fanfiction. As fellow authors, I trust you can all understand. :) Thank you for your time.

Enjoy!

* * *

BROTHERLY BONDING

* * *

Tim was lying on the ground in the center of the living room, as he had been for the past half hour. He was discovered by Alfred, who immediately thought he had a seizure or there was something wrong with him. So he called Bruce and Dick upstairs from the Batcave.

Dick looked at his adopted brother, "He's faking it."

Bruce sighed, "Tim?"

Tim opened his eyes, "Huh?"

"Alfred! Don't call 911! He's fine!"

"Yes Master Bruce," Alfred replied putting the phone back on its cradle.

"Tim what are you doing on the ground?" Bruce frowned.

"I'm bored."

"Hmm."

Tim closed his eyes again and dropped her arms across his eyes.

"Dick, you do something with him."

"What? Why me?" Dick complained.

"Don't whine. It makes you seem feminine."

Dick growled at Bruce as he walked out of the living room and off to somewhere else, he looked at Tim on the ground.

"What do you wanna do?" he asked.

Tim shrugged, "I dunno."

"That's a very unhelpful answer."

"It wasn't supposed to be helpful."

"Smart ass," Dick grumbled sitting down on the couch.

"Well what are you doing?"

"Looking at you."

"No, what were you doing before?"

"I was bugging Bruce."

"About what?"

"Shit."

"What's wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong, it's just crap in my life."

"Want to talk about it?"

"No, Dr. Phil."

Tim stuck his tongue out at Dick. Dick nudged Tim with his foot sharply in the side.

Tim pouted and whined, "I'm so bored!

Dick smirked, "Then go on a date with one of the girls at the Titans Tower."

"Oh yeah. Like that'll go well."

"You never know."

"Why don't you go out with a girl?"

"Because, Barbara doesn't come down from her clock cave."

Tim smirked, "Is she mad?"

"No!"

"Dick?"

"She's not."

"Richard?"

"Don't call me that. It's creepy when you do that."

Tim jumped up and sat on in the chair opposite to Dick's couch, "Tell me how you feel."

"Oh piss off."

"Please? I'm bored."

Dick frowned and laid down on the couch. He put a pillow behind his head, "You need a pad of paper and a pencil."

Tim jumped up and grabbed some paper and a pen.

Dick sighed, "What do you want?"

"I feel like I need a moustache."

"Yeah. And maybe we should shave your head."

Tim glared at Dick, "Is this why you're always hanging around the house? Because none of your friends can stand you?"

Dick snickered, "That's so mean."

"What's today?" Tim asked.

"Why?"

"I need to record the date. Duh."

"It's… uh… Hey Alfred?"

"Yes Master Richard?" Alfred called from his current dusting post in the dining room.

"What's today?"

"It is the twelfth of August."

"He's so weird…" Tim mumbled.

Dick punched him in the shoulder, "Thank you Alfred!"

"Of course."

Tim looked at Dick, "I'm gonna need more paper."

"We haven't even started."

"Have we Dick? Have we?"

Dick looked around, "Have we?"

"No."

"What the hell Tim…"

Tim held up a finger to quiet Dick. Dick furrowed his eyebrows and stared at Tim.

"Now we can begin," Tim answered.

"Ok?"

"Tell me about the loves of your life."

"Babs, Kory, Clancy- aw c'mon do I have to do this?"

"You do have a lot of girls in your life, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, never mind."

"That went well. Can I go?"

"Meh."

"That's not a good answer."

Tim sighed, "What are we gonna do then?"

"I'm gonna go bug Bruce."

"Can I come?"

"Nope," Dick got up and walked down the hallway.

Tim hopped up and followed after Dick.

Dick looked over his shoulder, "What?"

Tim shrugged, "Nothing."

"Then go away," he opened the clock and tried to shut it on Tim. Tim ripped the door open, almost tearing it off the hinges, and followed after Dick.

Dick glared at him and walked down the steps, "Bruce?"

There was no response.

"Maybe he left?" Tim questioned.

Dick looked around, the Batmobile was still there.

"Is he upstairs?" Tim asked.

Dick flopped down in Bruce's swivel chair, "Too lazy to go back upstairs."

"You're fat."

Dick glared at Tim, "Shut up."

Tim sat in another chair and began spinning around. Dick had to close his eyes to not get dizzy from watching Tim.

Tim stopped and frowned, "What happens when those bats shit?"

"What do you mean?"

"Who cleans it up? This cave would be filthy if no one cleaned it."

"I think Alfred does it."

"Alfred's job sucks."

"Yes it does."

"What happens when bats die?"

"They fall to the ground?"

"Have you ever had that happen?"

"Yeah. I was working out and a dead bat landed on my chest. I took seven showers."

"Ew."

"Yeah."

"Who cleaned it up?"

"Alfred."

"We do underestimate him, don't we?"

"Yes."

Tim sighed and began spinning again. Dick moved his eyes away from Tim's spinning form and looked at the floor.

Tim stopped, "Do you think Selina and Bruce have done it on the Batmobile?"

"Yeah. I've seen Bruce giving it to Selina on the hood. I was petrified for weeks and demanded to walk anywhere."

"Wow."

Tim started spinning again, then stopped, "Is Bruce stacked?"

"Excuse me!"

"I was talking with Stephanie and we were thinking about random things."

"You were talking with Spoiler about Bruce?"

"Uh huh."

"That's creepy."

"Is he?"

"Sure, Tim."

"Ok," Tim replied and began spinning again.

"Hey Dick?"

"What now Tim?"

"When you were little was there a monster in your closet?"

"Uh… what?"

"When you were little did you think there was a monster in your closet?"

"Yeah. It was a bear."

"For real?"

"Uh huh. A bear snuck into my room at the circus and was in my closet. That was scary."

Tim frowned, "Huh. How did a bear get in your closet?"

"We lived in a trailer. Somehow the damn thing opened the door and got stuck in my closet. My parents didn't believe me when I said there was something in there. Then my dad was so fed up of my bitching, he got up and ripped open my closet, to see Yogi, the circus bear. He pretty much shit his pants."

Tim laughed then began spinning again; he stopped. Dick was beginning to get annoyed.

"Hey Dick?"

"What now Tim?"

"Are you well stacked?"

"Tim?"

"Yes?"

"I need you to stop spinning on that chair. The topics you are coming up with after you spin on that chair are truly scaring me."

Tim sighed, "Fine."

Dick smirked, "Thank you."

"You've ruined my fun."

"When do you go back to school?"

Tim hissed, "Don't say that!"

"Say what? School?"

"Yeah! That! Don't say it!"

Dick smirked, "Fine, fine. When do you begin the s word?"

"September 1st."

"Ew."

"Yeah. I hate school."

"I like it."

"That's because you were really popular."

"You think that?"

"Duh."

"Well I kinda was."

"You're so full of yourself."  
"I am not."

"Whatever," Tim smirked and began spinning again.

"Tim…"

Tim stopped spinning and looked at Dick, "When did you lose your virginity?"

"Tim. Really. What the hell."

"I want to know."

"I was 16."

"For real!"

"Yeah."

"Who did you do it with?"

"I don't have to tell you."

"Please?" Tim asked.

Dick growled, "Why don't we just play 'Truth or Truth'?"

"What's that?"

"It's 'Truth or Dare' without the dares."

"But those are fun," Tim whined.

"Knowing you, Timothy, if we play with dare you'll end up triple dog daring me to jump backwards off the balcony right there; I'll fall and break my neck."

Tim bit his lip, "Violent."

"Yeah."

Tim looked at the floor.

Dick scratched his leg and sighed, "Babs."

"Huh?"

"I lost it to Babs."

"For real?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you did it with Starfire."

"I did. A few times. But on the roof with Batgirl… those were memorable times."

Tim frowned, "Ew…"

"Shut up."

Tim looked at the floor, "Huh."

"Are you still a virgin?"

"What?"

"Yes or no."

Tim growled, "Yeah."

"Yes you are?"

"Yes! I am a virgin! I have never had intercourse!"

Dick smirked, "Oh?"

"Shut up. I'm 13."

"You have a valid point, I suppose."

"Damn right."

"Have you kissed a girl?"

"Hey, hey, hey. My turn."

"Fine, go."

"Have you ever seen Alfred doing anyone?"

Dick frowned, "That's nasty…"

"Yes or no."

"No I have not, had the unbelievable pleasure of seeing Alfred screwing some women."

Tim sighed, "Pleasant."

"Ok, have you ever gotten caught by Bruce in the bathroom?"

"Doing what?"

"Oh please. You know what I'm saying."

Tim winced, "Ew. That's a really gross thought Dick."

"Have you?"

"No!"

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

"Fine, fine," Dick grinned.

"Have you?" Tim asked curiously.

"Is that your question?"

"I guess…"

"Yeah. He caught me."

Tim stared at him, "No."

"Yep, I was… looking at porn and uh… he walked in… at an uh… really, really bad time and… well Bruce saw me."

"Hmm. That's nice."

"Yeah, it was horrible."

"It's your turn, isn't it?"  
"Yeah. Have you ever felt up a girl?"

"Do you think I have?"

"No."

"Wow, correct on the first try."

"I'm that good."

"Yeah, uh-huh. Tell me Mr. Grayson, what do boobs feel like?"

Dick grinned, "If we're going to be formal you have to call them breasts."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

"Fine. Mr. Grayson, what do breasts feel like?"

Dick thought to himself and sat in his chair, "They're uh… squishy."

Tim laughed, "What?"

Dick shrugged, "They're soft, squishy, yet firm, like the jelly thing in your mouse pad, but harder."

Tim laughed, "Wow, that's… uh great?"

"It kinda feels like your ass, but softer, silkier, smoother."

"Any last words, Mr. Grayson?"

"Yes. They feel like heaven."

"Very good then."

"Very good indeed."

Tim grinned, "Wow."

"My turn, have you ever seen a girl naked?"

"Besides a movie?"

"Yeah, besides a movie; they don't count."

"Um… yeah."

"Was it porn? Because that doesn't count either."

"It wasn't porn…"

"Then where was it?"

"It was Babs."

"Say what!"

"Yeah. It was… kinda awkward."

"You know that's awkward for me? She's my girlfriend."

"I know that. I wasn't purposely looking, she was just kinda naked."

"Oh really, you little pervert."

"I'm not the pervert! And you shouldn't be mad!"

"Oh yeah? Why not?"

"Because she was giving it to you!"

Dick shrunk back, "Ew, Tim."

"Shut up. My turn."

"Go."

"What do you prefer? Top or bottom?"

"Top, duh."

"I get to ask two because you're a jerk."

"Fine."

"Do you like to be dominated or be the girl?"

"What?"

"Do you wear the pants, Dick?"

"Hell yes I wear the pants."

"Of course you do."

Dick stuck his tongue out at Tim, "My turn. Have you ever had a boner?"

"Excuse me?"

"C'mon Tim."

Tim blushed, "Yeah."

"You have!"

"Yes."

"Damn! How old are you?"

"13."

"Damn!"

Tim crossed his arms, "My turn. How does it work with Babs?"

"We've been over this before. Just like any other way people have sex."

"No, I want details."

"You sick little child. How twisted art thou."

"Quite twisted. Describe, now."

"Ok… uh, we have our clothes off. She's usually on the bottom, because it really hurts to have to support her if she's on top and it's really less pleasurable for me, I'm like holding onto her thighs and trying to move her because she can't unless she has some kind of leverage, anyways, she's on the bottom and she holds onto me because she can't feel anything and she wants to, so she clings onto my back and uh… holds onto my movement and we just do it."

Tim stared at Dick, "Ew."

"Yeah Tim. You have sex. It's what people do."

"That's creepy."

"You asked for it."

"I know, and I regret it."

"Do you?"

"Not really. How does sex work?"

Dick frowned, "Do they really not teach you this in school?"

"No, no, they do, I just want you to explain. It's fun to make you awkward."

"I hate you."

"Get on with it!"

Dick looked around the cave for some loose materials. He picked up a pencil from a desk then went over to the medical area and pick up a beaker. Once he had his materials he walked back over to Tim and sat in his chair.

"Ok Tim, this is going to be very hard for me, because I grew up in a very closed family: Bruce. Alfred did this presentation for me when I was 12 and now I shall do it for you."

He held up the pencil, "Tim this is the…. Um… male part."

"Say it."

"No. Screw you."

"Just get it off your chest."

"Timothy, this pencil right here represents a penis. A male organ in sexual activities."

Tim grinned, "Good job."

"I hate you."

"Keep going."

Dick looked at the beaker and frowned, "Woo boy… this beaker represents a um… a," he cleared his throat, "vagina."

Tim laughed, "Oh, you're good."

"Bite me. Anyways, you take the pencil and uh… thrust it into the beaker. Both parts receive pleasure and there is happiness all around."

"Is that all?"

"Yeah, Tim, that's all, lesson is over."

"You sure?"

"Yes! For the love of God! I am sure!"

"Ok, fine."

"How do you do number 69?"

"What?"

"Sex position number 69. How is it done?"

"I don't know."

"Give you a hint," Dick thrust the pencil inside the beaker, "Does not have to do with this right here."

"Uh… then what is it?"

"Oral on both counts at the same time."

Tim thought then realized what he meant, "Oh ew… that's nasty."

"Roy's done it."

"Roy's done enough to write his own damn book."

Dick smirked, "True."

"My turn," Tim grinned, "Ok, why would a girl want to uh… lick the quote-unquote "lollipop" if that fluid comes out?"

"Mr. Drake, I'm going to need you to use terms I can understand."

"Go to hell Dick."

"Say it."

"Why do girls give guys oral sex?"

"Hey… you re-worded your sentence. Not fair."

"Is too. Why?"

"When girls have an attraction to a man they most certainly love, they are willing to do things and try many new things to try and please each other. As disgusting as it might be it's actually quite nice."

Tim winced, "Ok, now that is gross."

"Yes it is. Some men even do it for their women."

"Have you done it to Barbara?"

"I see no point anymore, it's nasty and she gets no pleasure out of it, so I'm lucky. But before, yeah I did it."

Tim frowned, "Gross."

"They also have liquids-"

"Ok! Dick! No more! I do not want to hear!"  
"You know you do."

"No I do not. I'm asking another question."

"Go ahead; I have no more questions for the non-experienced virgin."

"Shut up. Why do girls get Brazilian waxes?"

"To make it less… messy."

"You're lying."

"Some do it just to show off their… woman parts."

"Weird."

"Yeah."

"Have you ever had a Brazilian wax?"

"No I have not."

"Do you want one?"

"No I do not."  
"You sure?"

"Tim, it's like tweezing your eyebrows, but with wax paper and sensitive skin. So sensitive…"

Tim nodded, "Right. Did you really kiss Selina?"  
Dick stared at Tim, "Where'd you find that one out?"

"Babs confides in me a lot when she's mad at you."

Dick frowned, "Mind you, she came onto me and kissed me."

"Sure she did."

"She did!"

"You like it, didn't you?"

"Yeah I liked it! What's not to like? Selina's damn hot."

"That's weird," Tim mumbled.

"Quiet."

"Have you ever had a romantic bubble bath?"  
Dick laughed, "What kind of question is that?"

"I just want to know."

"Well, yes I have."

"With Babs?"

"With Babs. It wasn't very romantic though… Kind of uncomfortable…"

"That's enough. Have you ever had kinky sex?"

"What level of kinky?"

"There's levels?"

"Oh yeah."

"Um… bondage level?"

"You bet. Been both the victim and the torturer."

"Ok then, how about eating food off each other."

"One time I made Babs' boobs into Snowballs. That was a really good recipe… I need to do that again…"

Tim nodded blankly, "Ew."

"No, no, it was hot."

"Ok, Dick, I get the point…"

"You sure?"

"Yeah!"

"Fine, fine. But only if you're sure."

"Well I am. Moving on, have you ever used hand cuffs?"

"Yeah. When I was working for B.P.D. I used them all the time."

"No, not as a cop, in… you know."

Dick smirked, "Oh. Oh yeah I have."

"Kinky?"

"Very, very kinky."

"Nice. With who?"

"Babs. I don't really have a lot of kinky one night stands with a lot of girls. Most of my exciting sexual experiences have been with Babs."

"That's nice."

"Yeah, it makes it special."

"How about role playing?"

"A few times with Babs. She asked me to dress up in my police uniform and seduce her. Then I've come into her room a few times as Nightwing."

"And?"

"And I made passionate love to her."

"Ew."

"You asked."

"Yeah. I wish I hadn't. What's an orgy?"

Dick grinned, "What's an orgy?"

"Yes."

"It's when a bunch of people all get together and do sexual things. Anything you can think of that's what happens at orgies."

"Oh. That brings me to my next question: how do girls do it with other girls."

Dick held up his index and middle fingers to make peace signs, and then he locked his fingers together.

Tim winced, "Oh…"

"Or they use dildos; give each other oral, ya know?

"No, that's why asked. I wish I hadn't."

"You'd figure it out sooner or later."

"Great. How do guys do it?"

"Oral or anal."

"Huh?"

"I'm not going into that."

"Fine."

"Anything else?" We've been down here for awhile."

"Uh…"

"What?" Dick asked with a frown.

Tim bit his lower lip, "How do you uh… kiss?"

Dick looked at him, "For real?"

"Yeah, I just… want to know. I mean I've never kissed a girl, well I mean a girl besides a relative, I mean… uh…"

Dick held up a hand to silence Tim, "You don't have to explain. What kiss would you like to know?"

"What kinds are there?"

"French kiss, cheek kiss, butterfly kiss, normal kiss, Eskimo kiss… there's lots. Tons."  
Tim thought, "How about an Eskimo kiss?"

"You go to your person and rub noses with them."

"Huh. How about butterfly kiss?"

"You go to your person, again, and flutter your eyelashes with them."

"Huh."

"Huh?"

"It's my noise. Shut up."

"Ok, ok, sorry."

"How about a normal kiss?"

"You just go up to your person and just lean forward and press your lips against each other, either softly or hard and kiss. You can open your mouth a bit if you want."

"Oh."

"That all?"

"Cheek kiss?"

"You just kiss the person on the cheek. It's a mutual feeling. You kiss people you care about on the cheek."

"Oh. And uh, French kissing?"

Dick grinned, "You tilt your head and move in to your person. You close your eyes and press your lips against each other. You open your mouth and let your tongues wander. It can be really nasty if people are like eating each other's faces, or sucking each other's souls as Roy puts it, oh so daintily. But if done right it can look really… pretty."

Tim grinned, "Pretty?"

"Shut up. I can be feminine sometimes when I damn well feel like it."

"Fine, sorry."

Dick growled, "You suck."

"How exactly do you kiss?"

"For the love of God, I just gave you a smutty answer? What else do you want? An example!"

Tim looked at Dick, then darted his eyes to the floor.

"Tim?" Dick asked with a waiver in his voice.

Tim looked up, "What?"

Dick grinned, "Do you want an example?"

"On what?"

"Whatever?"

Tim sighed, "I guess…"

Dick sat up in his seat and looked at Tim, "Ok c'mere."

"Woah! What!"

"You want an example?"

"Yeah! But not on me!"

"Oh come on."

"You want to make out with me!"

"I don't want to. I just want to give you an example."

"What the hell Dick! Did Alfred do this to you too when you were a kid!"  
Dick smirked and stood up, "No."

Tim stood up, "Well it would explain a lot about your screwed up childhood!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah! Maybe he did it to Bruce too! You're both screwed up now!"

Dick leaned forward; he had to bend over a bit to get in Tim's face, "Want to bet?"

Tim growled, "I am not going to do this!"

"Ok, how about we make a deal?"

"Why are you becoming gay on me?"

"I'm not gay. I've only kissed guy family members, on the cheek."

"I bet you've done more than that!"

"Tim, calm down."

Tim frowned and glared at Dick, "What kind of deal?"

Dick smirked, "Raise your right hand."

Tim grumbled and raised his right hand, "Ok, now what?"

"Repeat after me, I, Timothy Drake."

"Oh for the love of-"

"Just do it."

"I, Timothy Drake."

"Solemnly swear that after Dick teaches me how to French kiss that we shall never speak of this moment, nor ever, ever bring it up. Not even in only the company of the other person involved in this."

Tim stared at him, "Uh… solemnly swear that after Dick teaches me how to French kiss that we shall… uh?"

Dick sighed, "Shall never speak of this moment, nor ever, ever bring it up. Not even in only the company of the other person involved in this."

Tim nodded, "Shall never speak of this moment, nor ever, ever bring it up. Not even in only the company of the other…?"

Dick sighed, "Person involved in this."

"Gotcha. Person involved in this."

Dick lowered his hand to his side, "Ok, good."

Tim lowered his hand, "Now what?"

Dick moved closer to Tim, "Ok?"

Tim bit his lip, "This is gonna be weird."

"Close your eyes."

Tim squeezed his eyes shut. Dick swallowed and paused before he moved in.

Tim opened one eye and rolled his eyes, "Oh you're a chicken."

Tim grabbed Dick's shoulder and jerked him down to his face. Tim closed his eyes and crushed his lips against Dick's.

Dick's eyes widened and he panicked. Tim squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block out what he was doing to his partner, his mentor, his older brother.

Tim stumbled bit when he felt Dick's hands grip onto his upper back. Tim winced and squeezed his eyes so hard he felt like his eyelids were going to rip.

Dick smirked; he knew he was going to traumatize Tim forever. He thought then decided, if he had messed him up this much so far, why not go a little bar farther. Dick moved his tongue and stroked the top of Tim's lips. Tim's grasp on his shoulder was starting to hurt, he was really squeezing hard.

Dick laughed to himself and licked Tim's lips. He was shocked when Tim actually parted his lips and moved his tongue to caress Dick's lips. But Dick almost lost it when Tim darted his tongue into Dick's mouth and their tongues met.

Dick closed his eyes tighter and gently massaged Tim's shoulders. Tim pressed closer and their tongues were tangled, their bodies were close together, their lips were locked.

There was a crash from the cave's staircase.

Tim and Dick both pushed away from each other at the same time the crash was heard. It echoed throughout the cave. Their eyes moved around until they saw Bruce and Alfred standing there in complete awe and shock. Alfred had dropped his tray of sandwiches and the platter was rolling around on the ground.

Dick immediately felt his face flush; he looked at Tim out of the corner of his eye, his face was bright red.

"What in the name of God is going on down here?" Bruce asked slowly.

Dick coughed, "Uh…"

Tim shuffled and looked at the ground, saying nothing.

Bruce stood back, "Upstairs. Now."

Dick frowned and trudged towards the steps, keeping his eyes on the ground.

Tim moved once he finally had feeling back in his legs. He moved quickly behind Dick, he felt the glare of the man he treated like a father and the man who he treated like a grandfather watching him.

This was not going to be good.

FIN


End file.
